Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A letter to my mom.

Dear mom,
I think you probably know what I feel. But I just feel like saying it. I know I have been a worthless pain for you many times. Although you claim that I am your bundle of joy, I can tell you the innumerable number of times I have fallen short of your definition. I have come with a huge cost and I don’t know if I’ll be able to live up to your standards. I now realise how difficult it would have been to sacrifice your career and your youth to bring up some worthless thing like me. I remember very well being a bad kid with all sicknesses that kept you and me awake on many nights. I also repent all the occasions when I got into a street kid brawl and you bore the brunt of the other parent’s anger. I am also ashamed by my gradual decline in academics over the years. I know I kept you in the dark about my academics in college. I regret having ever done that as an adult. I have hidden many things that I did which I deem unsuitable for you to know. They are the things that you didn’t teach me and did not endorse. But as you have taught me, I have asked for strength from God to overcome that and am still trying to repent. Mom, it is really hard to learn something myself. I miss you every moment that I am alone on this big wide world. I miss you when I feel like bashing up someone that I hate and don’t find you around to protect me. Mom, this world is a wicked place full of bad people. I struggle to accept this world the way it is. This is not home. This is not where my heart is. I cannot understand why time has to move on.
Mom, I hate it when you ask me to grow up. I don’t like it when you want me to realise that I am a man now. I want to always remain your naughty little brat. You don't know how much I hate myself when I call you up and cry. I know I have been a cry baby all my life. But I am surely trying my best as you always wanted me to, but the world outside always beats me down. I feel most bliss when I am in your presence. I miss home mom.
I still feel that a fighter lives in me. I promise you that I will fight to grow up and do justice to all that you put in, the effort and all the sacrifices that you have made for your little man. I love you.

1 comment:

ZiLliOnBiG said...

Thanks Dude, you mom would certainly be proud of you reading this. For mothers their kids mean the whole world and nothing comes between. cheers