Oh Myself !!!! Where art thee?

Picture: Evangeline Lilly.She is beautiful .Isnt it?

Where is he?Where is the one to whom the world never mattered?Where is the one to whom love never existed?Where is the once unflappable person and his love for materialism?Has his love for inanimate things disappeared from the face of the world?What has gone wrong with his self glorified stubbornness?Where has his unshakeable belief in his own undertnding of all the world around him disappeared?Why is he not focussed on himself and only himself anymore?Why is the worldy opinion suddenly so important for him nowadays?Where is the rustic self belief and hidden confidence hidden now?Why is he suddenly disillusioned by the human relationships around him?Why are humans important to him nowadays?Why has been pretending to have broken up with his old pals,pain and loneliness?Why isnt he genuinely happy anymore?Why is he blind to the simple joys of life?Why isnt he in love with mother nature anymore?Why doesnt he respect and glorify his own self anymore?Why doesnt he push hard for his goals anymore?Why is he being affected by God's worst creations?Why do they continually cheat him and burry him.Why does this vicious circle repeat itself again:Once too many times.hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.Ohh myself!!Where art thee?

Inanimate in this animate world!

There are many times when I get lost completely in points of time and space .There has been an one off occasion of shouting inside aircrafts and trains followed by deep bouts of embarassment and guilt.This is because of my chronic affinity to slip into some unknown variable in space and time where the vehicle of my life/one in which I am travelling in suddenly crashes into something leading to my crying for life.

In life,on most occasions I imagine that I am on the course of my destination until I am pleasantly awakened to the real direction of my journey which initially remains abstract to my understanding.I am not sure if my fellow travellers feel the same as well.But in the race of life I normally lose track of my direction and suddenly manage to appear from nowhere near the finish line and emerge victorious.Although majority of the human subjects/my competitors don't realise who the Victor is of the race,I am least bothered.I know MY truth.But the success that I boasted is not my own.

I realise it very well that it comes from the ONE above.His grace transcends all limits of human understanding.I can only bow before the inexplicability of his understanding of his creations.He loves those who love HIM.This is my recipe for a successful ,happy and contentful living .It isn't so easy or is it?

I remember the Bajaj Avenger tag line which caught many a youngster's imagination,'Feel like God'.They potray this feeling, by actions of largeheartedness where you forgive people who had left indelible scars on your persona.It also shows the vehicle's suspensions that absorb the shocks offered by the road which leads to a state of trance when you ride it.This formula can be applied for a Godly life by minding our own business even when we have bottlenecks in the way of life.

But I feel that it is the mind that should be turned off from this world when you are racing in life's track.It is difficult to be so unreasonable and illogical to be not bothered about the result. But it is possible if you are confident of winning it anyway.

-What is this combination of blind confidence and focus called?

-Can you focus on anything when you are blind in the mind?

-Is it what is called faith?

-Can this impossibly tough 'being' be compared with the "Feeling like God" thing?

I don't know beacuse I havent succeeded in attaining this lively trance yet.I am still trying hard to be inanimate in this animate world!

Self discovery

I recently discovered that the process of self discovery also drives human beings.What you like or hate now will not evoke the same feelings the next year,next day or closer,next moment.I think this phenomenon is common to all in our species.My dabbling around with many things in life have proved to me beyond doubt that my life will never be monotonous.This I say because I believe that thought designs character,it is character that devices your life.By statiI ng this I guess,,I am deviating slightly from the stand that I normally take on the turn of events in life for which my explanation borders spirituality.Right now,I am looking forward to the next phase of my life which promises to bring new experiences and an entirely different strata of life in terms of quality.Right now I see this as an oppurtunity for living out a few of my dreams,few material,few to the mind,few for the body.I am also looking to take forward my latest love in life,,,the lenses to a different platform.This episode of dire straits romance has proved to me once again that I do not yet completely know my potential of expertise in mundane fields.Photography has become an integral part of my palette these days .These days I am looking for beauty in all its colors.Although I understand my juvenile status in this form of art,I am willing to take it step by step.They say poetry is an abundant and spontaneous outflow of emotions.I would define photography as the unsaid capture of emotions on paper.Now I realise that I can communicate well breaking a few barriers Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.This was Einstein.I completely agree with this after bathing many such experiences.I am really not sure what else I am capable of.I am awestruck looking at the capacities of a Mittal,a Buffet,a Ambani with their enormous man management skills.I still dream of a day when there would be plentyful man management ability in me enough to run my own eneterprise.Undreamable dream,I havent achieved many of my dreams.But I am living a dream which is more gigantigue and grand than my own standard of dreaming.This I realise very well and this I think is one of the secrets of contentful living.And the slow discovery of this secret can be termed as life and its zillion complexities.Maybe Freud can say it better.And one day may be I will discover myself completely.That sounds like blasphemy I guess.So let me stop my blabbering here and ponder on.

Cluttered.

Since long I have wondered what drives me.

If I think this question can be answered elaborately answered myself,a lot of my problems can be solved. Well,I dont want to say that my life is a pictursque gallery of problems,but I am just eloquently explaining my blog entry into gathering some interest.

In the beginning there were mistakes in life,there still are.But thinking of them now sends a strange chill ,and I shake my head in disbelief questioning my memory.

Was it really me who did the such and such event?

Can you imagine how it feels?

They have shaped me into what I am now.My falling out of many a race has chugged me on to win that many more or more.My tasting sucess has often thrown me into a zone that is unexplicable yet enthralling.Only I can feel it and only for myself.Probably this is what is defined as a 'high' according to human language.I treasure them with utmost love and excitement.This experience of self realisation is the reason why succeeding in life is always on top of my priority list.I bet many others will agree with me on this explanation based on their personal experiences.

I understand that me being termed 'overreactive'stems from the many things that enter my mind whose behaviour resembles pictursque fireworks.I know it is shortlived,but yet powerful.I deem such fireworks as a dangerous lighter of joy and a destructor of festivities when its intentions are toppled.The line that separates the two outcomes is thin.

In the height of such mental fireworks ,sometimes I end up doing the most stupid things in life.For example,here I am sitting at my cosy room,becoming a member of this blogging community and writing something that a few moments ago looked like the prologue to my mind's karyotype.Unfortunately that now I fear is not to be.

It is a good 15 minutes wasted in writing non sensical prose,very efficiently signifying my mind's status.Cluttered.

Signing off.