A mind of his own. (Part 2)

It was a Sunday evening in London at the Indian student Hostel,  Fitzroy Square.

The smell of the biryani was successful in equal measure to create interest and disinterest on the residents depending largely  the length of their stays at the place. Jay a veteran at the place quickly finished his supper and meandered in the dining hall before getting back to the library to carry on with his reading. The dining place was full of tired Indians enjoying their supper at the end of their weekends.

‘It will be back to the grind tomorrow’, Jay thought.

He was 26 and was in the final stages of his PhD. He was a  paragon researcher who researched not just science but life in general, things in life that interested him, which annoyed him and intrigued him. His persona had an eccentric charm with which  he puzzled people. He remained aloof yet proved to be mentally present amidst his friends.

There was a certitude of calm about him that grew within him as he discovered life’s penchance to smother the questions that typically arose in his inquisitive mind. He had learnt to be patient and understood that it may take a long time before he finds answers to some of his questions. This quality along with his keen eye for detail and razor sharp memory for facts made him a formidable researcher.

At 10:30 PM, a lady walked into the library pushing open the sturdy door. Jay looked up at the new entrant into the otherwise empty library and religiously got back to his books for he had loads to read that night. She looked good, he thought, although he saw her only from the back. Sometime later in a moment of promiscuity he stole a look at the newcomers face. Something hit him hard.

She was the one. He blinked to see if what he saw was real. It sunk in when she stared back, in utter surprise.

She smiled.

A smile that honestly suggested surprise, answered longing and many more things. A natural smile that had always managed to usurp a man’s heart: Jay’s heart.

He was frozen and numb, his existence momentarily cut off from the present and moving back to eons away. He got up and went towards her and was held back, speechless. Her eyes were glistening from the dim dark corner where she was seated. The fan turned around to flutter her hair.

 She looked down at the books, undergoing a feeling that she had never felt before. He said, ‘Hi’. She continued looking down at the books and he saw tears falling down to the carpet. He gained his composure and went closer. She gathered herself and got up and a warm hug happened.

She spoke now. ‘How are you?”.” I am alright. Hmm. How about you?” ‘. Not too bad’, she said and smiled with those tears still perching on her eyes. Jay was pulverised and defeated but he probably didn’t bother realise it.

They just stood there all alone in the library in silence interspersed with vocal outbreaks of disbelief. He asked her if she would like to come out of the library and they walked down to the Costa coffee bar and sat down, still silent. The after shower chill in London that night made them shiver and they ordered cappucinos.

After sometime, she asked him about his life and what he is doing in London. She then said that she is a radiologist now and has come to London to appear for the Fellowship of the Royal College of Radiologists. She has been married for the part 4 years to another radiologist called Rahul. Jay nodded blankly not suggesting anything.

He was still in shock and was surprised by Keerthi’s composure. She is still the same he thought.

Conversation then flowed. They touched Research, radiology, weather, economy, careers, travel, religion and spirituality. When the coffee shop closed at 01:00 AM, they proceeded to walk down Euston Road towards St. Pancras. They soon chatted with comfort and ease as if they have never known each other and were meeting for the first time.

Someone rightly said that divine love defied human wisdom. Their memories had failed them both in an unprecedented way. They were soon becoming the same old teenagers that last knew each other as.

At 03:00 Am when they decided to get back to the YMCA, the sleepy receptionist muttered anger and let them in. She giggled in the lift about his student like demeanour and the receptionsist's mallu accent. They were now able to see each other well into their eyes.

They said their good nights.

Down in his bed, he was thinking about life’s pleasant and not-so-pleasant twists and God’s revelry in playing around with his creations. He wasn’t sure what he felt for Keerthi. In her bed, Keerthi was in love with Jay all over again. She was heartened to see his maturity and thought that the changes in his personality were all positive. She was happy for him. She was happy that her prayers for him have all been answered. At this moment she started sobbing.

She had lost hope in human existence. She remembered the time when her parents went about lecturing to her about Jay’s inefficiency in the important things of life. She hated her parents for telling her that these infatuations will keep coming and that mature and successful  people should have the courage and heart to get over it and master their own lives. She had listened to them like a good daughter and went on to master her life. She went to the best medical school in the country and passed with honours. She had met many good men who were serious with the most important things of their lives. They liked her, loved here, and worshipped her. After the initial outward highs and inward satisfaction, they all failed. Time turned her into a soul searching animal. She devoured men physically and in their minds, but they failed to satiate her. The most important things in life were not attracting her. The confidence that education brought with itself was turning her to rebel against the world.

After her MBBS, she went to Delhi University to study her MD in radiology. It was then that her dad suffered a massive heart attack. During those days, Keerthi had felt the need for support, the undefined support.

The world around her was looking false, cruel and full of malaise. During her hours of introspection and suspended worldly existence, she thought of Jay and what she had done to him. She was filled with remorse and guilt. She thought that her present state was God’s mockery of a wily female who until then had mocked people in her life.

She tried to ask her friends if they knew about Jay. They kept answering coldly and in the negative. She had become an example of how girls didn’t want to be after they saw what Jay went through in the time subsequent to school.

Keerthi got married to Rahul, another radiologist from her own caste in Delhi much to the happiness of her parents. He loved her and doted as much as anyone wanted but her fight with herself and her addiction to move away from the world was mounting. She wasn’t happy with herself and tried yoga, music and dance to get her life back to track. After much attempt, she decided that her life will be like this until eternity. She had become spiritual and religious and was spending a lot of her time in communion with her Gods.

Jay, in his search for the magic that he wanted to experience had often let his imagination wander by imagining himself walking with a fairy from heaven. His subconscious was unintentionally fixed onto Keerthi and all that he saw now was an extension to the original, the skewed ones, trying to make it like the original, those that will never be.

Now that the real one was beside him in London, all he wanted to do was to walk. He wanted to keep walking. The Squares, the parks, and the subways. He showed her around London, all the beautiful places and the trivial included. He was in heaven or so it seemed.

During one of the walks he thought to himself “You are the one that I kept looking here. Where were you? You belong here. You belong here near me. You ought to stay where I am and flower my world into an inflorescence of joys.” She simply thought “Thank you God”. She knew she would break down when she wishes to ask God if this blissful existence would go on forever. She kept that prayer for later.

In their trips to Oxford Street, Camden and Shepherd’s bush, Keerthi was always on a look out for a gift to Jay. She couldn’t find any. She couldn’t think of anything that will enable her Jay to remember her all his life. She looked through clothes, books, accessories, electronics, artwork and many other memorabilia. She even looked heavenwards.

Keerthi was a picture of bliss when she was with Jay. Jay stood back and looked at her with romantic bleariness. She was beautiful he thought. He liked her simplicity of character and the now newly powerful eyes. They radiated beauty to him. Her eyes suggested clarity and understanding to him. To herself, her own eyes were conveying a plea for forgiveness, a readiness for repentance, grief and longing.

On the night before Keerthi’s scheduled departure, gloom started setting in as both of them realised what had been happening in their lives. She had completely forgotten about her exam which was what brought her to London. They laughed about it when Jay reminded about it to her in the balcony. They were a picture of love on that night under the BT tower, watching the moon and the faraway London eye. The breeze was casting its effect across London suggesting that it is past midnight and the most perfect setting for Lord Aphrodite to come out strolling. Jay looked into Keerthi’s eyes. When she noticed this, she held his arms tighter than earlier and brewing up some heat. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and he blew again, the same ritual which he did with her to his heart’s content as a teenager. They came closer looking at each other in the balcony of the fourth floor, room no: 407, glorifying the dark hour of London with the moon as a witness. They kissed. After a minute, she decided to gift him the unfound gift that she was looking for.

Together they were Adam and Eve, Manu and Shradha. They generated the most powerful energy of the world when they mated. He approached her with all sincerity in his needs to which she obliged kindly to get her world back in magnanimity. She kissed him like a child that she had left so cruelly to get lost in the worldly pandemonium.

They were as full as the moon and identifying the creator’s genius in creating the interdependent sexes. He realised the reason for his creation and spontaneously did it in his usual way, slow and curious. She gave it all that she had and yearned to give more in penitence for all that she did to him. She laid back and saw the cloud battered London sky and breathed fresh meaningful air. The waves that they generated were warming up the room forcing Jay to open the window.

Suddenly Jay stopped and slid down from the single bed onto the floor. He was sweating and looked pale. She asked him if he was okay to which Jay was expressionless. Keerthi was puzzled but held back from further talking. Jay went out to the balcony and lit a cigarette. After a few moments Keerthi called out to him. “I cannot do this with you after what you did to me. I am sorry” he replied.

Keerthi realised the rest and started to sob. She was now strong enough to take this she thought. Yet she laid there crying feeling the pain, staring at the sky now suddenly dark and potraying anger, deceit and meaningless love. All her past flew back instantly to her and embraced her with unfailing affliction. Amidst her uncontrollable sobs and feeling of sourly disgraced bliss, she dressed herself and left to her room.

The next morning Jay went to Keerthi’s room, picked her already packed bags and accompanied her to Heathrow. They didn’t speak a word till she departed at terminal 5. They looked into each other’s eyes momentarily and hugged.

Then she left.

Jay walked down to Myrtle avenue grass area outside terminal 5, his favourite haunt for plane spotting. At 11:15 when the Air India A112 took off to New Delhi, Keerthi was feeling drained with fullness. She had slept well the previous night. Although the night began with her Jay turning her down in love, her thoughts later were happy as she realised that life had come a full circle with her. She felt lighter and stronger than ever before.

As the flight swayed its way between the clouds above London city to position itself eastwards to New Delhi, Keerthi on the window seat C52 glanced out and thought of Jay, “He has a mind of his own”.